My name is Rebecca and I am the admin of Regenerate Heart Warriors as well as Pain To Purpose.
I was an IV heroin addict for 10 years, going on 5 years in recovery. My saving grace was a MAT program so I support those whole heartedly as well as any other forms of harm reduction you find yourself using on your journey to recovery.
I personally am a prime example of the fact that addiction can dig its claws into anyone. I grew up in a nice home, in a nice neighborhood. My family was loving. I participated in all sorts of extracurricular activities and was well educated. I was however plagued with depression and anxiety from early adolescence on. I took all the steps I was supposed to…
I graduated high school
I got into a university
I moved out into my own house at 18
I was all set up to marry my high school sweet heart
Even had a pretty hefty savings account and was on my way to an amazing credit score.
You know…all the bullshit we’re conditioned to believe equals happiness. I was fucking terrified though. I wasn’t ready for any of this and nobody knew the level of depression I stomached on a daily basis. I was miserable, felt alone and unloved.
Even before addiction I was always so good at wearing that mask. The mask that told the world everything was fine so no one would talk to me.
While working full time and attending school full time, on top of my beyond neglected mental health paired with body imagine issues… I burned out hard.
I was drinking heavily almost daily, my body hurt all the fuck over and I got shin splints from serving tables a million hours a week.
You can guess what happened next…painkillers.
Within a few months I was smoking dope
Within a few more months I was shooting dope
By the end of that year I was living in a shitty apartment with nothing but a tv and mattress. I was barely holding onto a job. I had dropped out of school and separated myself from anyone who loved me enough to call me on my shit.
This version of myself continued on for 9 more years and honestly it’s just a blur of self abuse, dishonesty, and destruction.
I tried again and again to get better. I relapsed more times than I can count and had lost all hope in myself. Even coming out of the clinic successfully. I still felt fucking empty and without purpose.
The day my best friend died of an overdose while visiting home after we had relapsed together was the day I officially broke.
The two years that followed are too much to write here but I found myself very attached to the idea of AWARENESS. That started a journey that led to a reinvigorated self who was addressing beliefs and the way I was perceiving and identifying in the world. I was going to be grateful, I was going to gain power over my choices and I was never going to give up.
My educational journey led me to becoming a certified life coach and while speaking to a mentor she asked me…”if I could help any one type of person in the world who would it be, who is your TRIBE?”
A passion immediately started in my gut, and without a single doubt in my mind I said “people in recovery are my tribe”.
From that day forth I have had the pleasure of running this group, that has grown into so much more than I could have ever imagined. Speaking with you guys makes my life so much better, every single day. I am so full of gratitude for every single one of you and I’m holding a space for all of you where you can accomplish any fucking thing you want in this life. You are so worthy and incredible. We are the strongest people in the world and if you need a reminder…please reach out to me.
Thanks for reading my rambling ❤️ can’t wait to hear your journeys as well.