Pain To Purpose specializes in assisting Recovery Warriors, WORLDWIDE, in eradicating the shameful stigmas & encouraging one in standing oh-so-very-tall ON their war memorials of pain… Meanwhile, recovering as PROUDLY & as LOUDLY as they possibly can!
This is Brittany’s beautiful tale of Addicted to Recovered & how she was able to take that pain & remold it into a big PURPOSEFUL purpose! Presented from us to you in an interview setting.
What is your DOC drug(s) of choice?
Crack mainly but also started into using heroin near the end of my using days.
What was your childhood like growing up?
I had a pretty good childhood. Besides being treated differently than my sister. I spent a lot of my childhood with my grandma. When I was about 14 my mom told my dad I hit her an my dad beat the shit out of me and luckily my grandma was here to stop him.
When and how did you begin abusing substances?
I started using drugs/alcohol at the age of prob 14. Never really abused them at that point. When I was 21, I tried cocaine for the first time with my daughter’s father. I’m not sure how old I was, but I was hanging out with the wrong people and they were shooting up anything they could. Well one night I was hanging with one of them an I decided to try shooting up coke for the first time. I did it a few more times and could see that I loved the feeling it gave me… so I told the person I used with the most that I could no longer participate in using with him and I walked away from it. Well In 2017 is when I tried crack for the first time an it was all a downhill battle from there. I would have some clean time, and then get right back to it.
What is the backstory behind this &/or the circumstances regarding this?
Well I grew up with a alcoholic father who also has abused drugs in the past. But what started my full blown addiction is when my daughter was taken from me. I just felt like I didn’t want to live anymore and tried to numb the pain.
What issues were you dealing with in your life at the time you used the most?
Losing my daughter to my cousin. The man I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with went to jail and told me he didn’t think he was ever coming home. The people I lived with at the time were always arguing an fighting. So I spent a lot of time at my neighbor’s house, neighbors who were drug users.
What were some of your most emotional experiences worth sharing?
Well I was living in a trap house seen the old man who’s house it was get beaten down. I’ve seen dudes pull females out of cars an beat them up. I’ve seen a dude overdose in a hotel room. Me going home with a drug dealer just so I could get my next fix.
Would you mind walking me through these experiences in great detail?
Well one night I was hanging with this escort girl I was around a lot and she called our dealer trying to start a fight. Well he showed up at the house and was trying to steal her cell phone, instead he took my phone… him and his friend started beating the old man who lived at the house. One day a truck pulled up to drop the old guy off from work and the girl in the truck owed the dealer money… he literally walked up to truck dragged her out an was hitting her. I was in a hotel one night with a bunch of people an some dude who was there was overdosing in the room by the door. Scared the shit out of me. Then a few times I was broke so I decided to go home with my dealer. which was an emotional experience because I’m usually selective about who I sleep with.
What would you like others to know about addiction to recovery?
Addiction was one of the worst things I’ve ever dealt with. But now that I’m sober I appreciate the little things. I notice a lot more. Recovery is beautiful!
What specific moments, emotions, or intricacies of your journey from pain to purpose can you share?
Well one of the most painful experiences was when I went to jail and had to miss my nephews first birthday party. Then when I relapsed, my sister wouldn’t speak to me or anything!
Was there a definitive moment you decided you needed to get sober? If so, please tell me more about this.
I don’t know the exact moment I decided to fully get myself together, but I remember when I did relapse, I was hanging out with a guy who was a new user. I guess my tolerance was still so high but he was geeking out. I kept asking myself did I look like that when I was getting high? I think that was the moment when I decided I was over chasing something I would never feel again!
What is it like being in recovery?
I love being in recovery. I love reaching out to others. Whether it be to just give a little of my experience and hope, or just to tell someone I believe in them. Just hearing someone believes in you means a lot to an addict in active addiction and they thank you so much more than all the others!!!
Who or what keeps you inspired to stay sober?
My children an my nephew is what keeps me going. Also myself. I know my worth now.
What other thoughts, feelings, or advice would you like to share?
I would like to share anyone struggling or in active addiction to please get help before it’s too late. If anyone is thinking about picking up for the first time, please don’t do it. Drugs and violence are wiping our generation out. Just reach out! I love you all!!!!