By: Convenient Confessions
When we are kids, we hear all about the love of a nurturing mother & the fatherly sacrifice of our daddies. But we, more than often, forget to articulate how each forcible action can be taken as a unisex act from each parent, both mom and dad.
I, myself, have never intimately experienced a biological father and his sacrifice, but I damn sure got a front row seat to the nurturer as well as the sacrificer in my momma, & my momma alone.
Growing up with one parent missing, contains a ripple effect that we don’t end up connecting until our brains have reached a higher & more forgiving level of maturity. We tend to maliciously target the love from our single parent and place the missing parent’s lacking love, on a pedestal high in the sky.
As a single parent, it’s required to work tirelessly to overcome revenge filled judgement towards the missing parents of our hurt-hearted babies, so that they may do whatever necessary until learning how to define their own, definition of love.
Though we’d like to lash out and cry out the sacrificial truth behind their rose colored glasses, doing so would be detrimental to the growth of their self worth… it’s a lesson learned they’ll have to acquire all on their own.
When I was 4 years old, my momma bear was enveloped in a marriage that was toxic to say the least. I’d never known any men’s true love except that of my poppa’s. I despised being unable to call myself a daddy’s girl even though I had little knowledge of the pain that mine was capable of, & already inflicting upon me.
So when momma was about to marry this man who showed her & I both so much UNlove, I tried like hell to stomp my tiny foot and demand she NOT marry he who carried such, selfishly wrong intentions.
I remember being so young and wishing my mom could just see what I saw… wishing she could just see that she deserved so much more than what she was allowing to kill her spirit. She would leave us with him for hours on end, even though he muchly resented our very existence. I hated her for this.
My cries eventually molded into judgement. I naively thought she was foolish to stick around and prayed she’d soon learn how to start putting us first. I couldn’t understand why she didn’t love us better and I felt deep-rooted resentment towards the fact that she hated herself enough to not only ASK for, but BEG for such pain. My harsh judgement to her missing in action, was manipulated into something ugly, instead of seeing it as the sacrificial love it was all along.
It takes a hell of a strong person to keep pushing through and sacrifice one’s own pride to NOT tell our little one’s the truth in turn breaking their innocent little hearts, even more.
Now that I’m a big girl and have made plenty of my own parenting mistakes, I can see right through my previous blindness and have grown to realize, my momma was in fact, fighting like hell for me, the entire damn time.
My momma was also a teen mom, & a high school dropout. She experienced great trauma from her own parents that took her over half of her lifetime, to somewhat overcome.
When I was growing up, so was she… & I never took the time to notice this. She busted her ass to do her best and I’m thankfully blessed to have been witness to this so my girlish mindset has the opportunity to experience even more, forgiveness & growth.
Giving up living a blossoming life of dreams-come-true & working hard to build a legacy-left-behind for our cubs, IS both nurturing and sacrificial.
There is no discrimination to the stigmas that these mindsets are capable of… mom can both nurture and sacrifice just the same that dad can…. & dad can both sacrifice and nurture just the same that mom can.
If you’re a parent experiencing this “behind-closed-doors” sacrificial love, I need you to know you are UNalone in this struggle. I need you to know how proud I am & how even prouder your babies are of you for all that you are, & all that you’ve sacrificed. Keep up the strong work momma/poppa bear, your sacrifices will never go, forever unnoticed. Be patient and loving through the process and always remember they’re watching. Parental mistakes made are a-okay, as long as we pull the intended lesson and love our cubs so much that they’ll have to eventually hear our repeated, lessons of love.