Yielding to resistance, Relinquishing control, Command of the White Flag…
To heavenly acquiesce.
Throughout the years, surrender, (like many other one worded terms), has many times birthed a new meaning behind the nine letters that my brain accepts as so.
With each new universal enlightenment, I suddenly hear old terms I’ve heard all my life, for the very first time. It’s like a light switch turns on and I feel more relatable to these terms each time the process occurs.
I remember relating the word surrender to war terminology as a school girl not paying attention to her teachings…
I remember redefining surrender to be a religious term of endearment as a lost girl frantically hunting spirituality…
I also remember improperly manifesting surrender into my days spent chasing love that could never love me back during my ‘not-a-girl-not-yet-a-woman’ phase of UN-self-love.
I’m currently buried in yet another RE-interpretative stage of surrender where I’ve strategically pulled lessons of love from my To Be Continued grief findings.
It’s up to me to utilize these new meanings and implement them each time I’m forced to endure loss.
Choosing to surrender never means to fail unless we personally define it to. The choice always exists, every damn time.
We can always choose to knock down the protective barriors keeping us small, and simply surrender to living, wild and free.
The control we cultivate is imaginary for we are coasting on a cosmic ocean with unpredictable waves crashing against us from every district of the universe.
Blindly following that cultivated control is how we end up so lost.
Unfavorable circumstances are inevitable… every one of us will eventually experience loss and heartbreak… and these moments of excruciating will knock at the door to our souls, time and time again.
Living instilled with fear for these future events of inevitability, will literally damage every cell in our already vulnerable bodies.
Instead, choose to stand tall in the face of adversity… answer the door with sturdy belief that whatever is waiting on the other side, is there to present you with a personally developed opportunity to add a BRAND NEW lesson filled chapter, to your already, magnificent story of life.
This Confessional Content is dedicated to the very top of my broken family tree, my Mimi. </3
My Mimi shed her leaves for one final season and retired to the heavens above.
My tribute to her isn’t completed yet but I have so many thoughts I need to work through this time around and writing is my preferred, work-through technique.
As I sit here typing this entry before I’ve spoken my grief to another, I find comfort in the beauty born from my pain, despite feeling desperately immersed in it.
Whenever it hurts like hell, & you know the pain I speak of… the pain deeply felt from the inside out… Those are the moments of excruciating that I’ve experienced unique perceptional shifts that are universally priceless to me. I choose to gracefully surrender to this pain. Always and forevermore.
I surrender to the guilt of all that has been. I surrender to the resistance towards the inevitable that will someday be. I surrender to the the painfully harsh reminders to stop taking life for granted.